


shake me to my core

by symbionic



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Missing Scene, Mutual Pining, chokes has a lot that isn't shown and I kept thinking about it, dennis is gay and desperate, includes my headcanons for the gay dennis timeline later on, mac is scheming and clueless but he's trying his best, takes place during all of chokes basically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:03:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21710458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symbionic/pseuds/symbionic
Summary: He wanted more than anything for Mac to stop looking at him for what to do. Dennis shook his head, running a hand on his face.He didn't know what to do, no matter how much he would've liked it to be otherwise, to be in control. Deep down he felt paralyzed, despite all his feelings, now growing heavy within his chest and making it even harder to breathe. If Mac didn't have his back for any decision, how could Dennis be wise enough to know what would result in disaster? What would end up destroying him? He felt alone. Lost. Small.He had to look after himself, or no one else would.Marinating this thought in his head, he threw himself on the bed, not expecting to fall asleep any time soon.
Relationships: Mac McDonald/Dennis Reynolds, MacDennis
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	shake me to my core

**Author's Note:**

> Finally my first proper fic!  
> Originally I wanted this to be a oneshot but it got out of hand fast, so I think this is gonna end up having maybe four chapters.  
> This was also practice because it's easier to write based on an ep than just coming up with stuff.
> 
> Again, english is my second language so I hope and pray that it reads as smooth as possible.  
> Do let me know of any errors if you catch them.
> 
> hmu @hgvbfj on twitter or @sunnykeysmash on tumblr if you wanna scream at me about it lol

"You know what? I'm gonna go to bed. That's what I should - I'm gonna go to bed." Dennis exhaled, raising his arms defeatedly. The weight of what he had realized that night crashing in on him all at once.

He felt alone. He saw the hesitation to do anything in Mac's eyes at dinner, and it scared him and left him feeling hollow. _'I can't depend on him'_ was the thought his mind had settled on, back when he was still sipping tea in awkward, pressing silence.  
It proved true when he stalled in front of Paddy's doorstep, door cracked, waiting for him to do _anything at all_ , scream, cry, get angry, show that he cared enough to stop Dennis from committing the extreme gesture he was about to do, of which he didn't understand the magnitude just yet. Stop him from leaving.  
There used to be a time when Mac knew what was best for Dennis, even more so than Dennis himself did.  
And so, watching Mac stare distantly as he turned off the lightswitch, anger bubbled within him, unsure of why Mac had chosen to stay silent. Dennis was afraid of the answer.  
That made an idea blossom in his head, however.  
He wanted to prove that he could do it, back then. That he didn't need Mac's guidance after all, he didn't need to be stopped, because what he was doing wasn't bad for him. He didn't need Mac to make decisions.

He couldn't, in the end.  
He cracked under the pressure and came back.  
There he was then, at their kitchen table at midnight sipping scalding hot tea, replaying Frank's choking in his head over and over like a busted tape, seeing Mac sit still and glance uncomfortably at _him_ of all people for guidance.  
At Dennis, who felt so directionless, so lost.  
So desperate to have back the Mac who knew best for the both of them, who showed initiative instead of accepting whatever Dennis wanted, out of a desire to please him that felt so _desperate_.  
He couldn't handle it.

"Uh, Dennis, should I go to bed too?" Mac broke the silence after Dee's smug remark that Dennis had snapped against. It felt almost painful for Dennis, like grieving for something that didn't exist anymore, that he didn't realize he needed. A sharp pain beginning to seep at the back of his neck, a headache, he considered.

"I don't care!" He barked as he slammed the door behind him, the words escaping him before he even had a chance to think them through.  
He breathed raggedly once inside, _'I do care'_ he thought immediately, as he rested his back on the closed door, drinking in the silence that came with his soundproof room. _'I do care'_.  
He wanted more than anything for Mac to stop looking at _him_ for what to do. He shook his head, running a hand on his face.  
He _didn't_ know what to do, no matter how much he would've liked it to be otherwise, to be in control. Deep down he felt paralyzed, despite all his feelings, now growing heavy within his chest and making it even harder to breathe. If Mac didn't have his back for any decision, how could Dennis be wise enough to know what would result in disaster? What would end up destroying him? He felt alone. Lost. Small.  
He had to look after himself, or no one else would.  
Marinating this thought in his head, he threw himself on the bed, not expecting to fall asleep any time soon.

  


*

  


"He said yes, I think?" Mac guessed, tentatively. The urge to hide himself in denial poking at the back of his head once again. Everything was _fine_.

"Oh, I don't think he gives a shit," started Charlie, mumbling "I don't think he cares." added Dee, shooting down Mac's question for good.  
Mac looked at both of them, uncertain.

"Yeah, he cares because we depend on each other - so I should probably go to sleep, because we depend on each other." He moved, almost mechanically, repeating himself out of a desire to be able to believe it, more than to convince his friends. Masking the hurt in his eyes, he continued.  
"Tomorrow, I got to wake up and depend on him. And he's gonna depend on me, so... good night, guys." he stepped inside his room and carefully closed the door behind him, not bothering to look back at it.

He stepped on his bed, eyes fixed on the wall beside him, still hearing some confused noise coming from the kitchen, letting it hang in the hair to fill what would've otherwise been an oppressive silence.  
_"I can't depend on anyone"_ Dennis had said.  
He wanted more than anything to prove him wrong. The one thing Mac desired most was to see Dennis smile, a wish that had stayed unfulfilled for far too much time now, and it was starting to bug him.  
'Of course he can depend on me,' he thought, pouting, frustration making his hands curl into fists as he grabbed the pillow and turned face down 'I just need to demonstrate it. I need a plan.' he concluded.  
A plan. But what?  
  
He closed his eyes, staring intently at the back of his eyelids, as if waiting for a vision. Thinking.  
  
In order to show Dennis how capable he was of taking care of him, first he needed him to be in a position where he had to let himself be cared for.  
He thought back to how Dennis had refused to eat that pizza Charlie had "brought" earlier.  
A spark hit him all at once, making him open his eyes wide and sit up on the bed.  
If he could make Dennis… just a little sick, then he would be able to prove him exactly how good he could be at taking care of him.

Dennis had a complicated relationship with food, to say the least.  
Mac definitely couldn't just waltz into the kitchen and demand he eat a pizza, Dennis wouldn't, and he'd see right through it too.  
He needed to pass it off as healthy, he decided. It was the only way.  
_Maybe_ , if he could… conceal it, _blend_ it. Pass it off as something he picked up from the store that he got recommended at the gym, or some excuse like that. Like a… a shake.  
His eyes lit up.

Before he knew it, his mind was set on this idea, and so he laid back down, this time facing the door.  
That's when he realized, the room had grown silent, Charlie and Dee were probably gone by now.  
He inhaled and relaxed against the fabric of his mattress, blinking a couple times.  
This was more than just about his crush on Dennis though, he thought to himself, this was about rekindling something that got lost before they realized. Getting back the love and appreciation that Dennis used to give him, showing him that it was okay to let go, relax, and let him handle things, the way he used to.

  


*

  


The morning after, Mac had prepared everything, down to the tiniest detail, and he was feeling pretty proud of himself.  
The shakes, three of them, rested safely in the fridge. He had even added soda to them, just to be extra sure that it would work.

He was sitting at the kitchen table, playing nervously with his fingers, when Dennis woke up and emerged from his room.

They exchanged a quick look, then Dennis turned away. Mac turned his attention back to his hands, using one to scratch the back of his neck.

"You're up early," Dennis had started, surprisingly "It's our day off." he concluded, matter of factly.

"Well," Mac's voice came out higher than he intended, he covered it up with a cough and continued "it's not _that_ early…" he articulated.  
Dennis shrugged, making his way to the kitchen.

"Plus, I was… thinking. You know - about what happened yesterday." Mac had managed to explain as Dennis had reached the kitchen, freezing still while facing the open shutter, ready to get coffee. His hand still hovering on the package on the cupboard.

"What about it?" he attempted, trying to come off as natural and _definitely not still pissed_ , now resuming his motions a little more tense.

"I was thinking you're right-"

"Duh," Dennis reacted instinctively, pressing his hand on the package as he put it back. Repressing a glimmer of hope.

" _And_ , you should totally look after your health, dude. You're right."

Dennis shut his eyes, barely containing his rage, silently thankful that Mac couldn't see his face now.  
He bit the inside of his mouth and inhaled sharply, gripping at the side of the counter with both hands. Forgetting to put the coffeepot on the stove.  
_That damn idiot,_ his breath hitched, _how could he miss the point this bad?_  
As he tried desperately to fight back the anger, he wondered if maybe he was never gonna get back that security that Mac used to give him.  
He finally opened his eyes and fixed the pot on its rightful place, with a little too much violence that Mac didn't seem to pay attention to, according to Dennis at least.

" _Sure,_ " he conceded, through gritted teeth, wanting to at least see where he was going with that preposterous claim.

"Okay, so," the tenseness wasn't lost on Mac however, despite what Dennis thought "I remembered the other day, when I was at the gym… well, the instructor, he recommended a certain, uh, brand of health shakes… and you know, I wasn't really paying that much attention back then so I didn't get them or whatever, but this morning, it- it came to me."

"Jesus, Mac, just spill it, I didn't ask for your whole backstory, I just woke up," Dennis spat, massaging the bridge of his nose.

Mac shifted in his seat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable, but powered through "I was saying, I- I got a couple for you. They're in the fridge right now." he pointed at it absentmindedly.

"Huh," Dennis paused.  
This wasn't what he wanted, or what he was expecting to happen at all, but he had to admit that Mac was at least… trying. Maybe if he played along with it he could manage to make him understand, somehow, or he'd try harder.  
In any case, it was worth a shot.  
"I see," he mouthed, voice low, opening the fridge.  
Indeed, there they were, cold droplets of water running down them. They didn't look half bad, at least. Maybe this could work.

"You know, Mac. You're right."

"I- I am? Wait," Mac looked at Dennis' back, taken by surprise "about what?".

Dennis scoffed.  
"About-" His voice came out as a whine, frustration escaping from his throat faster than the air he was breathing, he turned around to finally face Mac, he found him looking puzzled "-about my health, man. My health. I _should_ look after myself. And you were right to help me. In fact, I'm gonna call Charlie right now, since he seemed so eager to hang out with us yesterday. We should… do some sports." he raised his shoulders, tentatively "You know, exercise. You should come too."

Mac blinked.  
Panic settling in his throat, unsure of how to proceed. He didn't think this through. He didn't think he was gonna have to care for him _outside_ , that sounded much more dangerous. Maybe he should stop this plan, immediately, before Dennis got hurt, maybe it was a bad idea, maybe-

Dennis shoot Mac a timid smile.  
It was quick, barely noticeable, but it was all the reassurance Mac needed to press forward anyway.

"Y-Yeah, yeah! Okay, good," Mac bolted up and reached forward to pat Dennis' arm energetically "you call Charlie, and I'll - I'll get what we need. Okay? You can count on me, Den." Mac reciprocated the smile tenfold, beaming, almost blinding Dennis with his enthusiasm, and for a moment Dennis felt that glimmer of hope spark inside his chest again.

  


*

  


As he placed everything that was needed inside the bag, Mac heard Dennis in the living room talking to Charlie on the phone.  
He sounded chipper, somehow, which encouraged Mac to swallow any lump of regret that formed in his throat.  
He stopped, hands on the newly closed zipper, and wondered if maybe he should've just given him regular healthy shakes. If maybe he didn't need to do this… scheme.  
But he knew deep down that Dennis still didn't trust him, that he wasn't willing to let Mac have control. He needed to fix that, by all means necessary.  
And maybe if he saw how good Mac was at taking care of him, Dennis would realize how much he cares about Mac as well.  
He exited his room and quickly grabbed a shake out of the fridge, shooting a glance at Dennis who was sitting on the couch, mindlessly looking at his phone.

Dennis looked up from it soon after, brought back to reality by the sound of Mac dumping the bag on the table.

"Uh, you got everything, pal?" he asked.

Mac looked around the room frantically, then his eyes settled when they met Dennis'. He couldn't read him.

"Yeah… yeah. Could you ask Charlie to bring a basketball?"

Dennis inspected the man before him, "You think he has one?" he crossed his legs.

"I hope he has, because ours is busted, man."

"Oh," he averted Mac's gaze all of a sudden, focusing on his phone "Well, I could ask him. Worst case scenario we can do some jogging or whatever."

Mac nodded, reassured, "You do that".


End file.
